The Bee Gees' Cucumber Castle Disaster

Just what do Vincent Price, Frankie Howerd, Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Pat Coombs, Blind Faith, Robert Stigwood, Lulu, Eleanor Bron and Spike Milligan have in common? Well, this was the rather unusual cast that appeared in a strange self indulgent film called "Cucumber Castle" that made The Beatles infamous "Magical Mystery Tour" film look sensible. Screened once on BBCTV in 1970, the film has never officialy been made available on video or DVD, but good quality copies are in circulation.

The Bee Gees were universally reviled and panned for another film they made in 1977, the disasterous "Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band" which gave the world some truly awful performances of classic Beatles songs and it came very close to capsizing The Bee Gees and Robert Stigwood, their managers' careers for it was a complete disaster at the box office. It now has a healthy cult following for those who enjoy films of a toe curling nature, but the biggest surprise was the fact they made it in the first place for their first attempt at a film, "Cucumber Castle" was a rather embarassing non-film in its own right.

"Cucumber Castle" couldn't have been made at a more inappropriate time in The Bee Gees career. After two years of mass success beginning in 1967, the Bee Gees began to fall apart after making their most ambitious album yet, the extravagant and sumptious epic, "Odessa", a double album that was housed in a red velvet sleeve. The row began when it came to choosing a single to release from it for one of Barry's songs was up against one of Robin's... and when Barry's song was chosen, Robin stormed off in a huff, quitting the band and embarked on a bizarre solo career leaving brothers Barry and Maurice as a duo. The split was so bad that in Summer 1969, both Robin and the Bee Gees appeared on the same edition of "Top Of The Pops" and went to great pains to avoid and ignore each other.

There had been talk of a Bee Gees film since 1967 and there was a track on the "Bee Gees 1st" album called "Cucumber Castle". In late 1968 David Frost produced a special edition of his chat show entitled "Frankie Howerd Meets The Bee Gees". Frankie Howerd was a much loved British comedian forever remembered for "Up Pompeii" and he had a wonderful way of comedy that was very much his own. In his company, the Bee Gees couldn't stop laughing and so he was asked to appear in the planned film.

Manager Robert Stigwood began the process of putting a budget and crew together for the film. This was hampered when Robin walked out of the band around the time Maurice Gibb married the Scottish pop singer Lulu. Lulu was doing very well at this time having had some BBC TV specials of her own one of which of course featured the infamous Jimi Hendrix Experiences last TV appearance in Britain when Hendrix aborted the intended duet with Lulu of "Hey Joe" instead launching into a spontaneous version of Cream's "Sunshine Of Your Love" on live TV. Whats more Lulu was to represent the UK in that years Eurovision Song Contest. She went on to win it in a tie between her and two other countries with "Boom Bang A Bang" which also marked the end of her association with producer Mickie Most who had been guiding her recordings since 1967.

Lulu wanted to move on from Most's out and out pop aspirations and be taken seriously as a soul singer so Atco Records signed her to enable her to take that chance. As Robin began working on his first solo album, Barry and Maurice decided to continue The Bee Gees as a duo. This didn't please drummer Colin Peterson who was subsequently given his notice. He and guitarist Vince Melouney had joined The Bee Gees when they returned to Britain in 1967 but they were given short shrift on TV since the focus was entirely on the three brothers, so Melouney quit at the end of 1968 fed up with this situation. Colin decided to sue Robert Stigwood and The Bee Gees claiming breach of contract.

One of Stigwoods biggest clients were Cream who had split at the end of 1968. He still managed Eric Clapton so when Clapton and Ginger Baker formed Blind Faith with Steve Winwood and Ric Grech, he had another band to promote and manage. Blind Faith made their debut live in Hyde Park a couple of months before the Rolling Stones infamous gig there and Stigwood had the event professionally filmed and recorded. But Blind Faith weren't very long for this world and split after one problematical patchy album whilst touring America. Stigwood therefore had an apparently useless film in his posession... he was to produce an even more useless film in which a part of the Blind Faith footage was inserted...

Unfortunately if the split with Robin was bad, Barry and Maurice were hardly getting along at all well either. Robert Stigwood had nicknames for the three brothers... Maurice was "p***head", Barry "pothead" and Robin, "pillhead". With them being into heir own brands of intoxicating substances, their egos and delusions became astronomical and incompatible.

The filming of "Cucumber Castle" took place mainly in summer 1969 on location in and around Robert Stigwood's country mansion. The intention was for it to be released and shown in cinemas but fortunately this idea was abandoned in favour of making it a TV special. I doubt seriously there was much in the way of a script. The project was endlessly delayed and the finished film was finally shown in December 1970 by which time it was out of date and various events had occurred in the meantime...

At the beginning of 1970, Maurice Gibb starred alongside Barbara Windsor with whom he had an affair in a theatrical production called "Sing A Rude Song." This didn't please Barry at all. Then the soundtrack album of the film was released, and what happened? Barry quit the Bee Gees himself for a solo career leaving Maurice as the sole Bee Gee. Robert Stigwood knew this was a non-starter and began attempting some kind of reconciliation between the three brothers. Maurice and Barry quickly patched up their differences but Robin was a different deal altogether.

Robin was the cause of much concern. His solo material was rather paranoid, maudlin and dramatic which reflected his overall state of mind and behaviour. The Gibb's parents went to court and had Robin made a "ward of court"... in other words, grounded since his behaviour was getting rather eccentric and a second solo album, "Sing Slowly Sisters" also gave concern as to Robins' overall state. Stigwood managed the seemingly impossible and Robin abandoned his solo career as did Barry and the three brothers were reunited. Robin readily admitted though that this would never had happened had it not been for the fact they were brothers.

And still "Cucumber Castle" dragged on. It seemed to have become a white elephant, much talked about in the music press, and the soundtrack had been released yet where was the film? There was talk of shooting some new sequences to incorporate Robin into the film but this wasn't really feasible since it was complete anyway. The BBC were sold the rights to screen the film and by the time it was finally shown, it was history and an embarassment to the Bee Gees. The critics were not at all impressed either.

The film was basically a series of musical set pieces linked by lame attempts at a comedic plotline. The basic plot was that the King (played by Frankie Howerd) on his deathbed calls for his two sons who are ready and willing to inherit the kingdom, and tells them that he has divided the land equally into two kingdoms... the Jelly kingdom and the Cucumber kingdom and so Maurice was the king of Jelly and Barry, king of Cucumber. The rest of the film involves the kings parading about on various "adventures" that were flimsy and added nothing to the flimsier plot.

There was a lengthy scene involving the king of cucumber being entertained by a string quartet on a lawn. A very unfunny attempt at comedy ensued which featured Eleanor Bron as a cellist, being blown about by a wind machine as they attempt to play. There was a scene with an "evil" Vincent Price desperate to have the kingdom to himself getting the two kings involved in a duel. Lulu sang two songs that had absolutely nothing to do with the plot. Then there was a painful impression of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore as the kings dressed up as birds sat in a tree to watch a band playing in a park... cue footage of Blind Faith in Hyde Park... oh and there was a scene involving Spike Milligan as a court jester failing to entertain the kings...

Throughout all of this we keep going back to Frankie Howerd on his death bed yelping and groaning "I'm dying! I'm dying!" and in the event he spends the entire film supposedly dying but never does. The King of Cucumber addresses his people telling them that everything he has is theirs. Cue a scene with his house being ransacked in a scene very reminiscent of Eric Manchesters' interview outside Rutle Corps in "The Rutles". Robert Stigwood himself makes a brief cameo dressed up as a chicken. The kings then mime to "Don't Forget To Remember Me" on a rowing boat and the film ends. A rather feeble and mindnumbingly unfunny 50 minutes.

Ironically then, the sole sequence that worked though it had no real relevance whatsoever is also the funniest and most delightful and it was one of Lulus' sequences. Throughout the entire film, Barry and Maurice look totally uncomfortable and ill at ease surrounded by these many professional actors acting them off the screen, yet it was also a total waste of the talents on display. Eleanor Bron hardly gets any dialogue at all and her unfunny scene is something I'll bet you won't find on her CV.

Lulu performed a cover of Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs Robinson" of all songs which simply doesn't fit into the plot of this rambling mess of a film, but it rescues it from being totally unwatchable. She looked absolutely gorgeous and radiant. She struts through the number in a teasingly sexy manner using her body and face to amusing effect. Theres much eye rolling and Lulu looks like shes having a wonderful time playing the entire scene like some kind of mischeivous imp. Its very well filmed and edited and overall its a magical little sequence that I found utterly charming and amusing as I sat through this film.

The Gibbs quickly forgot all about "Cucumber Castle" as they had to revive a career that was seriously damaged. They did get back into the singles charts easily enough but their albums told another story altogether as they became overdominated by increasingly slow and dreary over dramatic ballads which had Robin bleating like a goat throughout to aggravating effect.

By 1973, they were in Cabaret. They recorded an album called "A Kick In The Head Is Worth Eight In The Pants" which despite its amusing title was regarded as being so depressingly dreary, Robert Stigwood rejected it.

Not for the first nor last time, the Bee Gees were looked upon as an anachronistic joke and their career in serious danger of capsizing. They went over to America for a change of scenery and styles and cut an experimental track in which Barry got to sing in falsetto. That track was the one that rescued them and put them in a new direction... "Jive Talkin'" which came as a big surprise to many who didn't believe it could be the Bee Gees upon first hearing. The brothers relocated to America and thus began their next phase in which they were to eclipse everything that had gone before as they got involved in disco resulting in the memorable "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack...

"Cucumber Castle" then has become a curiosity in the Bee Gees story and one I think they've tried to forget about. True it is a dire unfunny messy film but it I feel sits alongside "Magical Mystery Tour" and Marc Bolans' "Born To Boogie" as a rock home movie that perhaps should have been left in the vaults, but have instead garnered cult followings thanks to freaks like myself who tries to track down copies of such films for amusement.